‘He’s Going Through A Divorce And Wants Some Time’

Thursday | August 9, 2018

Love Letters Divorce

‘He’s Going Through A Divorce And Wants Some Time’

We chat at 1 p.m. In other news, we’re looking for your unsent letters. What’s in your Drafts folder?

Hey Meredith,

I’ve been seeing this guy for just over six months now. I really like him, and I believe he really likes me. When we first met, we talked all the time, called each other, and made time to see each other once a week or so. But about two months in, he told me he wasn’t sure he was as ready for a relationship as he thought he was. He’s going through a divorce and wants some time to focus on himself, his career, and his kids before getting someone too involved in his life.

We’ve continued talking and seeing each other, though much less frequently than before. He’s told me he only wants me to be happy, but doesn’t know when he’ll be able to offer more. I’m fine with staying on the sidelines while he gets his life in order a bit, but I don’t want to wait forever. I’ve started looking a little bit for someone new, in bars and on apps, but my heart really isn’t in it. I like the guy I’ve been seeing and would rather wait for him than start something new.

How long is too long to wait? Am I an idiot for wanting something serious so from someone coming out of a marriage so quickly?

– Wallflower

You probably shouldn’t wait for this man – but that’s easy for me to say.

I can warn you that when he’s finally ready to be with someone, he might want something new (sorry). There’s no guarantee that what you had months ago will work for him in the future.

But the thing is, I don’t know anything for sure. He’s one big question mark, and only you can decide long you want to wait, if not “forever.” You should ask yourself how satisfied you are with the current setup, and how much you find yourself longing for a more consistent partner. You should also think about what prompted you to write your letter. Were you hitting a wall? Is this relationship starting to hurt more than it helps?

Please know that it might be less depressing to be on apps if you’re really single and can focus on new faces without comparing them to the one you already like. It’s difficult to date strangers when you still feel attached to someone who’s familiar. The experience might be more fruitful if you walked away from what you have now.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the LW be waiting? If so, for how long?

Divorce

Featured Comment

LW, don’t put your life on hold waiting for this man. While his feelings are certainly understandable, he’s made it clear he isn’t in a position to offer you more and doesn’t know if and when he will be. At least he’s being honest and not stringing you along like many people would in this situation.

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