I Won’t Stay On The West Coast

Thursday | July 19, 2018

Love Letters Dating

I Won’t Stay On The West Coast

I moved to San Francisco a year ago and started dating someone a few months later. He is from the San Francisco area and has his whole world here. I like the city – and I am happy here now – but I am from the East Coast, and I see myself moving back in the next couple of years to be closer to my family.

We have talked about whether he would move to the East Coast, and he is not very open to it. He has come around and said it’s possible he’ll consider it, but that’s not enough assurance for me. I made it clear that this is non-negotiable for me, as I don’t want to get to a place two or three years down the line where he doesn’t want to move, and then I have to choose between being close to my family and having him.

I understand why he wouldn’t be open to moving; frankly, if the situation were the reverse, I’d feel the same way. But I can’t think about a future with him if I know in my heart I want to move home, and I know in his heart he wants to stay. I’m wondering if I should just call it quits and find someone who would want to move back home?

– Home

You should probably find someone who’s less attached to the West Coast. You know you want to move in a few years, and your boyfriend is less than enthused about that kind of compromise. He has similar needs – just in the wrong place. Even if he does move with you, he might want to return to his home later. That’s no good.

For the record, I do believe he could change his mind. It’s difficult to make any promises when you’re only a few months into a relationship, so it makes sense that as he becomes more serious about you, he’s more open to making sacrifices to keep the relationship together.

But you don’t seem overly smitten with him. I mean, I’m sure you like him a lot, but there’s nothing about your letter that suggests you must keep him in your life. You’ve made your priorities clear. Home is it.

– Meredith

Readers? Should they stay together?

Dating

Featured Comment

You have no idea what’s going to happen in the future. If you are happy with this guy, then keep dating. Why would you sacrifice your current happiness for such an unknown. You speak vaguely of your future plans.

SettingtheWorldonFire Share Thoughts