Women don't want to date short men

Thursday | February 1, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Women don’t want to date short men

What’s been on your mind about your single/dating/married experiences? Ask anything. It helps others who have similar questions.

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Meredith,

I’m 5’5’’ and I’m still a virgin, have never had a girlfriend, never even been on a date before.

I feel like my height has destroyed my dating life. No girl I like has ever liked me back; my parents and others tell me I’m handsome and height doesn’t matter, but I don’t believe them. It doesn’t help that almost every video on YouTube and TikTok is of women being asked if they are OK with short men, and 99 percent of the time they overwhelmingly reject that possibility.

I have the desire to go out and meet women at bars, but I feel I can’t do it because women my age are simply too shallow and superficial to ever accept me. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even like going outside my home anymore because every time I see a young couple where the women is attractive and the guy is tall, I immediately feel horrible about myself.

I was also called ugly by women in high school. Honestly, I believe I’m completely and utterly repulsive to every woman I meet, and this has led to me to develop severe depression along with no confidence. I don’t want to be with a woman I’m not attracted to at all. I don’t think is a foundation for a good relationship. I’m not saying I only want to date supermodel women. I don’t think my standards are too high.

– 5’5”

I’ll start by suggesting therapy. Please get some professional counseling for help with depression and self-esteem. If you need more information about mental health services, you can ask your doctor.

Now for some other thoughts. First, I’m sorry about TikTok. There’s a lot of great stuff on there, but some of the dating content I’ve seen is straight-up mean and not even true. Remember, it’s easy to get online and talk about dating dealbreakers, but in real life, there are many good people who want nice company.

Also, high school can be awful. You’re not there anymore.

I won’t lie to you and tell you height doesn’t matter in 2024. We’re living in a Jacob Elordi world at the moment, and I grew up in Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox times. At 5’3’’ I look at Bruno Mars (who I believe is 5’5’’) and think, “Sing directly to me!” I saw a Daniel Radcliffe in a play a few years ago, and the entire audience was smitten. I think he’s also your height. But yeah, the Elordis of the world – people love them.

The thing I said about those men I mentioned – they have a thing. Well, let’s take Tom Cruise out of the equation, but Bruno Mars sings, Daniel Radcliffe acts … I know these people exist because they’re in the arts in some way.

I feel best about myself when I have things. Sometimes it’s my work. More recently, my thing is learning songs on a keyboard (I’m taking requests, Love Letters friends … maybe I’ll put that on TikTok). When I’m not in the mood for anything else, my thing is reading – digging into a series I care about.

Your thing doesn’t have to be fame or a Bruno Mars kind of talent. It can be a hobby – some kind of great love for an activity.

Leaning into that will help with confidence, happiness, and friendships.

I saw a guy juggling the other night and I was like … this … is very cool? I can’t remember how tall he was, but that’s sort of the point. He was talented, having fun, and people noticed.

Seek counseling and find some things. Even just one. Let it distract you.

I would love for you to keep us posted. Maybe we can share some of our things here.

– Meredith

Readers? What’s the thing that makes you confident? How do you forget the things you might not love about yourself?

Dating Dating fatigue

Featured Comment

“Lotta good advice today, re: the problem is self-confidence, not height. But I just want to add that ‘meeting women at bars’ is not the scene for you. Don’t torture yourself. In a bar, women (and men) are more likely to make a quick judgment based on physical appearance because that’s all that they can see. Online, women who care about height can pass right by your profile, and you never have to know. Women who are more open-minded will read on and see the other great things that you bring to the table. Of course, you do need to bring SOMETHING to the table.”

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