She Wishes We’d Met At 29 Or 30
We’re about to start recording Season 2 of the Love Letters podcast. The first season was all about finding the best way to get over a breakup. Season 2 will be the prequel; you can’t get dumped until you meet someone. So the question is: What’s the best way to meet someone?
I’m looking for stories about how you met a current or ex love. You don’t have to still be with the person; I just want to know how you met them. You can participate (anonymously or otherwise) by using the form here. Some things I’m looking for:
1. Stories from people who found love at work — and how that worked out.
2. People who had adorable “meet-cutes.” Did your romantic origin story make the actual relationship any more successful?
3. People who did (or did not) find love by taking a class or doing a recreational sport. (If you’re a person who found love at a singles cooking class or at kickball, please let us know.)
4. People who did or did not find love when they “weren’t looking.” Is that actually something that happens?
5. People who have opinions/stories about being set up by family/friends.
But tell me anything.
Again, form is here.
Q.Meredith,
I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half now, and we are both in our mid-20s. Everything has been great for the most part. I have never been so in love, and I could see myself with her for the rest of my life. She is smart, driven, gorgeous, and my best friend.
Recently we had an argument about a lack of effort on her part in our relationship. I try hard to be spontaneous and to go out of my way to do nice things and really support her, but have been feeling like my actions are not reciprocated. She thought about it a lot and agreed that this is true. This trend has happened in her previous relationships and has ultimately led to the end of them.
Her concern is that this is just her personality, and that until she changes she will not be able to be with someone long-term. I’m a very optimistic person and truly believe that she can reasonably put more effort into our relationship if she wants to. When I mention that to her, she tells me that we are just too young and it would be better if we met at 29 or 30. She says she loves me despite this, and that it’s nothing I’ve done wrong personally. She has closed herself off to being in a long-term relationship in more ways than one, and I can’t understand why. One side of me wants to just break up and move on because she has it in her head that we will not last. The other side of me wants to stay together because I truly love her and want her in my life.
– Not 30
A.“I’m a very optimistic person and truly believe that she can reasonably put more effort into our relationship if she wants to.”
Yes. If she wants to.
She doesn’t seem to want to, though, does she? It’s disappointing and frustrating, but she’s telling you – and showing you – that there’s only so much she’s willing to give. Please believe her and make decisions accordingly. If the current state of your relationship isn’t enough for you, it’s time to take care of yourself and let go.
I do understand why your instinct is to stick around and hope for the best, by the way. Many couples who meet in their mid-20s are able to stick it out and grow together. Also, theres’s no guarantee that if you meet someone at 30 they’ll be a better partner. You can’t script that kind of thing.
But your girlfriend is intent on writing this narrative, at least for herself. If she believes this will end at some point, it most definitely will. Accept her answer as truth and think about next steps.
– Meredith
Readers? Should the LW stick it out? Is it better to meet a partner after 29?
Be civil. Be kind.
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