Will we meet up again?
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Q.
I am talking to a guy I went on a first date with eight months ago.
As of August, he started a new job, and now I hear from him every five days or so. Yesterday was the fifth day, and he was driving Uber at the same time as texting me. It was only three messages. I felt disappointed.
He’s a car salesman and said he’s not getting commission yet, and has to drive Uber. I’m not sure if he’s stringing me along or if I should wait.
He also made a joke about hitting me on the third date, and all my friends say to stop talking to him. (He does mixed martial arts.) I don’t know why I keep talking to him. I am Muslim and have tried to find a guy on Muzz, a Muslim dating app, but I can’t find anyone. I’m 36 and it feels like no one is interested in a woman who doesn’t cook that much, and can’t give them a big family.
Should I see if we will meet up again one day or should I cut my losses? I was thinking of giving him an ultimatum: if we don’t meet up by the end of the month, then it won’t work out.
– Hello
A.
Your last paragraph suggests that you haven’t seen this man since August.
That means it’s time to cut your losses and move on. That third-date joke was inappropriate, but even without that, he’s not available.
His work is a priority right now. Leave him to it.
My advice is to turn to people in your life who know you best and are part of large communities. Are there older people who’d like to set you up? Acquaintances with single relatives who might come to visit? This is a great time to tell all of the people who secretly wish they could meddle in your life to meddle away. Let them do their best.
Also, keep your friends close. They sound like they care for you, and I do hope you like spending time with them. Romantic partners can be great, but these friendships? Hopefully they’ll carry you through all of life’s ups and downs.
A last thought: you’re focused on what you don’t offer right now (good meals). Think about what you can give a partner. Maybe others can cook, but you’re great at [fill in the blank here].
While others are cooking, I’m doing a zillion other things, some of which are interesting. The same is true of you, I’m sure.
Feel free to write back and keep us posted.
– Meredith
Readers? Thoughts for this LW? How long do you give someone whose first priority is work … and not meeting up?
Send your own question about friendships, dates, no dates, love, divorce, breakups, and families through the anonymous form – or email [email protected].
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