Why is my friend upset about my new girlfriend?

Wednesday | May 15, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Why is my friend upset about my new girlfriend?

I (29 F) have known both Jill and Diane since college. They knew each other, but ran in different friend circles. I was out at the time, but to my knowledge, both of them were straight.

I lost touch with Jill after graduation, but kept in contact with Diane. Over the years, I’ve had a few relationships come and go (which Diane knew about), as well as long stretches of being single. During that same period, I never met anyone that Diane dated, but she did talk about a few men.

A few months ago, Jill reached out to me. We met up a few times and then, to my surprise, she asked me out.

When Diane found out that Jill and I had started dating, she became upset and said this to me in front of Jill. Jill and I left, but the situation is now very awkward. I am not convinced that Diane is romantically interested in me, and suspect something else is going on.

How do I talk to Diane about what happened?

– In shock

Maybe Diane is upset about this relationship because she had a crush on Jill in college.

Or maybe Diane feels left out. Perhaps she enjoys your friendship and fears that Diane will take too much of your time.

Or Maybe Diane just got invited to 15 weddings, is sick of couples and happiness, and decided to take that out on you.

Or maybe Diane had a few bad days at work and put those feelings in the wrong place.

I could keep guessing, but it won’t get us anywhere. it would be better for you to go to Diane and say, “I was surprised by your response to my relationship with Jill. Why does it upset you? Is there something else going on? I’m confused.”

If Diane won’t talk about it, tell her to reach out when she’s ready. Let her how you feel about your friendship. If she’s important to you, make that clear.

After you communicate with Diane, go enjoy yourself. It sounds like you’re excited to get to know Jill in a new way. If you spend too much time trying to solve the Diane riddle, you’ll miss the good stuff with the person you’re with.

– Meredith

Send your own question about relationships (dating, divorce, breakups, singleness, and complicated friendships) to the anonymous form or email
[email protected].

Dating Friends Without Benefits Friends Love Triangle

Featured Comment

“Personally, I’d drop it and not feed into any drama, but if you must, a simple ‘olive branch’ to Diane, saying something like ‘let’s get together and talk’, would be sufficient to show you care about your friendship. You really can’t infer why she’s upset until then.”

penseuse Share Thoughts