Why Do I Still Love Him?

Thursday | November 2, 2017

Love Letters Dating

Why Do I Still Love Him?

We chat at 1 p.m. Also, I’m looking for good Tinder-related letters.

Three years ago, I moved halfway across the country after meeting my boyfriend at a bar. We have spent about 90 percent of our free moments together ever since. We are opposites. I am professional and work a normal 9 to 5 job, and he has money from renting his house and works as a mechanic, but doesn’t have a specific schedule.

He has taught me the California lifestyle; I like some of it. He is not very complimentary, is 11 years older (I am 44), and isn’t into sex as much as I am. For three years, I’ve yearned for more. I’ve wanted more compliments and more sex and attention. What I got was arguments and a wandering eye. Then we had more and more arguments because I was depending on him to give me what I wanted – instead of giving it to myself. Why do I still love him and want to be with him after three years of rejection and verbal abuse?

– Why?

Verbal abuse? I feel this letter started out as one thing, but became something else. When it comes to verbal abuse, there is no compromise.

It’s been Therapy Week at Love Letters (we seem to be recommending it to everyone), and I have to mention it again today. Talking to a professional would help you figure out whether you are, in fact, leaning on your boyfriend for things you should be providing for yourself. Therapy would also help you figure out what you’re trying to save.

Your letter makes it clear that you’ve been longing for something better – something more – for the entirety of this three-year relationship. There was no honeymoon period when you were getting everything you wanted. From the start, it wasn’t quite right. You can love him – and the life you hoped to have with him – but accept that it’s not going to work.

That might be what’s keeping you around, by the way. You might be in love with the relationship you imagined you’d have when you made the decision to move.

– Meredith

Readers? Next steps for the letter writer?

Dating Distance