Why didn't she want a second date?

Friday | February 9, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Why didn’t she want a second date?

What’s been on your mind about your single/dating/married/divorce experiences? Ask anything. It helps others who have similar questions.

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Meredith,

I am a 56-year-old divorced man who hasn’t dated in nine years, post divorce. I recently went on the dating app Bumble and had a coffee date that I thought went well.

She agreed to see me again, but I never asked for her phone number and told her I’d message her on the app. I waited a couple of days, then messaged about the second date and never heard from her again.

Did I break some type of app etiquette?

– Perplexed in Oregon

I don’t think you did anything wrong. Sure, you could have messaged with enthusiasm a day after you saw her, but I’m not sure that would have made a difference.

It’s more likely that she changed her mind about wanting a second date because she met someone else, got overwhelmed, felt different about the date after it was over, or was just being nice in the first place when she said she’d go.

Maybe she got promoted at work and can’t even think about responding right now.

We’ll probably never solve this mystery.

Get used to not knowing – because it’s part of the process. It’ll all make more sense when you’re the one being opaque about your decisions.

Even if she wrote back and said, “Hey, you messed up by not asking for my number on Date 1 – and you should have messaged the next day,” you wouldn’t learn much. Everyone has their own preferences.

Apps can be a great way to find love, I swear. That said, make sure friends and family know you’re ready to date, because setups are nice too. Less mystery there.

– Meredith

Readers? Any tips here? Also, best to ask someone out within a day or two? That’s the only thing I can think here, but I also believe she would have responded had she been hoping for that.

Dating Dating fatigue

Featured Comment

“This is very common. Don’t try to figure it out. I had a coffee date once where the woman agreed to a second date for the next weekend. She asked if we could exchange phone numbers before we parted. Then less than an hour later she texted and said she just wanted to be friends. I offered to meet up again just as friends and never heard from her again. It’s frustrating but it’s normal and part of the process. Time to move on to your next date!”

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