A.

The short answer? Stop. Tell your guy friend it’s not cool to be messing around like this, and put it in a text – so it’s in writing.

Let him know that if he decides to be single, you might think about more. But not yet.

You know that’s the answer, right? Of course you do. You can let go of him.

Let me say here that some of my worst relationship behavior – involving cheats, specifically – happened when I was an almost-adult teen. I look back and think, “What was I doing??”

I was so sure about my values and how I wanted to treat people in the world, but there was also this thing in the back of my brain was telling me, “Hot person is into you! It’s a new experience! You’re getting attention! Get more of it! This is so fun!”

It was exciting to be liked, to pursue someone with success, and to [mess] around and find out.

I was not great on emotional risk assessment during that time! I was not fantastic with empathy. Also, I was really excited to make out with this one dude, even if he had a girlfriend.

Part of growing up is making mistakes and experiencing the consequences. You have to decide what you’re willing to risk along the way. It seems like there’s too much on the line for you right now – and it’s not too late to set boundaries.

Please know: I’m not saying you can’t date or sleep with this guy. Feel free to make a mess, end one friendship for the other, and try it all out. I’m just saying … it should all feel less malicious and gross. Your gut wrote this letter, I think. Listen to it.

– Meredith

Readers? Were your morals different at 17 than at 27 or 37? How do you ignore or control the impulse to experience what you want in the moment? Thoughts on what this LW should do next?

Send your own question for the new year. What’s on your mind about money, exes, dating, love, loss, friendship, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].