When Should I Talk About My Daughter On Dates?

Tuesday | March 29, 2022

Love Letters Dating

When Should I Talk About My Daughter On Dates?

Send your own letter (or update) to [email protected] or fill out this form. Today’s podcast episode is about a man who calls his ex almost every day. The story might be familiar to some of you who wonder when it’s OK to stay close to an ex, so listen.

I have been divorced for quite a while (10 years), and have had a few long relationships. My daughter, 20, has special needs and lives with me. She is absolutely a joy and is quite easy to live with.

My question is: When should I tell the man I am dating about my daughter? Over the years, I have seen the looks on some men’s faces when I tell them about her because they assume the worst, when really she is quite fun and joyful.

Some men have even admitted that it would be too much for them and have walked away. I have two thoughts: One is to wait until the guy falls head-over-heels with me and then tell them, or tell them right off the bat when we are sharing facts about our kids. The reality is that she will probably be living with me for at least the next six years. What do you think? Wait or tell them right away? By the way, I’m 59 years old, and most of the guys I’m dating no longer have kids at home.

Thanks, Meredith!

– Dating

Tell them when you’re sharing facts about kids. Say what you told us – that your daughter is a joy, fun to be around, and that there’s a plan for how long she’ll live with you. The right potential partner will ask questions, want to know more, and continue to spend time with you. The people who are not good matches will make this easy for you and bail.

Not everyone is open to dating a caregiver, and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean they’re terrible people or anything; they’re just not for you.

You want to be with someone who gets it. Those people are out there. Some of them have similar responsibilities.

The whole “make them fall in love with me and then let them know about my kid” path feels dishonest – because it is. That behavior also tells a person you’re OK keeping your daughter a secret. But you think she’s wonderful, and that comes through in this letter. Your love for her made me smile. Don’t hide that.

You won’t be for everyone, but no one is for everyone. Find out who picks up on that word “joy” – because it means so much.

– Meredith

Readers? Share or wait and why?

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Featured Comment

Anyone dating you should know what your life entails. Letting someone fall for you and then you springing this on them will not endear you to them. Not only does it feel like you are tricking them but anyone most likely they will resent you for it. Remember, when they fall for you they are falling for what they know.

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