We’re Opening Our Relationship

Monday | August 17, 2015

Love Letters Dating

We’re Opening Our Relationship

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly three years now. She’s an amazing companion, she makes me smile, drives me wild, and I’m more content now than I’ve been before.

About a year into our relationship, I brought up the idea of her taking other partners. I just tested the water to see if she’d be interested. She was, but naturally she was nervous about hurting the relationship inadvertently, so we eased into it. It took a year after that initial conversation before she did anything, but then she picked an additional sexual partner for herself. Believe it or not, that actually worked out well for us as a couple.

We’re now exploring the idea of opening up the relationship, physically, for both of us. So really, we are relationship-monogamous, physically-polyamorous. This is all new territory for both of us. We know to go slow, gauge the other’s feelings, and keep the communication open and clear. But my question is: What are your thoughts on this?

She and I have limited experience with being poly, and I’d love to have some feedback from you and your readers. Cheers!

— Poly

“We know to go slow, gauge the other’s feelings, and keep the communication open and clear.”

Yes to all of that. Also make sure that you both understand your shared definition of “relationship-monogamous, physically-polyamorous.” How much do you expect to communicate with these others partners? How often do you want to spend time with them? You must be on the same page rules and expectations.

You also need to prioritize your time alone together. All of this extra stuff can monopolize your relationship, so you need to make sure there’s enough space and time to hang out, watch television, talk about your days, and grow as a couple.

Readers? Any thoughts on what they should anticipate? Is this a recipe for disaster?

— Meredith

Sex 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

u0022LW, the majority of people are monogamous when they’re in a serious love relationship, so you’re not going to get the answer you’re probably seeking.nnI would say from my own experience and that of people I know who attempted poly marriages/relationships, your primary relationship may eventually suffer if you inadvertently start having more-than-physical feelings for your secondary relationship(s). The mental gymnastics just become far too difficult.nnDiscuss, discuss, discuss. With all involved.u0022 — ThatJneenGrrl

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