I have been seeing this guy for over a year now. He has always been open with me about saying he isn’t ready for a serious relationship (even though he is over 30) and that he needs to work on himself. I respect all of that and appreciate him being up front, but at the same time I have strong feelings for him, so I have let things continue in a more “open” format so that I am still able to spend time with him, while not requiring the official commitment. I have met his parents, extended family, and friends, and he often makes comments about our future together, including children. Yes, part of me does want a relationship and more from him, but other times I enjoy the more relaxed and casual feel of things.

Our relationship is very up and down. Sometimes he is really into it and other times he is really busy and doesn’t take the time to check in or let me know what’s going on in his life. He has told me I am everything he wants in a partner but acknowledges that he can be distant. He is seeking therapy, which I support.

I am writing today because the other night we woke up in the middle of the night and he asked me what time it was. I grabbed his phone because it was closer on the night stand and saw that he had two texts from two different girls saying, “Are you awake?” and “I can’t sleep.” This may seem innocent to some people, but it didn’t to me. Now, technically I’m not his girlfriend, so am I allowed to be upset? I confronted him about it and he told me he isn’t sleeping with them, but yeah, obviously those are texts from other girls. I think deep down I am hoping that I will sweep him off his feet and he will eventually realize he does want to be in a relationship with me. Are the texts stupid? Should I drop it or drop him?

– Let it go or linger