We’re Always With His Family

Tuesday | September 22, 2015

Love Letters Dating

We’re Always With His Family

My long-term partner is extremely family oriented, which I was very attracted to in the beginning, because I want to settle down and have a family, but it’s getting ridiculous and I’m feeling smothered.

We can’t have one day off work together without us having to do 101 things with them. And if we aren’t with them, you can bet he’s on the phone with one of them. I love his family and am very close with them but it’s getting to be too much. We are about to move in together and I’m starting to worry that because it’s going to be HIS house too, there will always be people over and I’m never going to get any personal space or alone time. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he just doesn’t get it and says it’s about respect – as if it’s disrespectful to his family to spend one day a week alone. I’ve realized that it’s clearly a touchy subject and I don’t want to come off as rude or disrespectful toward his family, so I try and say subtle things that aren’t directed at his family like “we never do anything alone,” but it never gets through to him, or he’ll say we will start spending time alone together but we end up just spending time with his family. I need some advice because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and I don’t know how to approach the situation.

– No Disrespect

You can’t move in together until you find a compromise, because this will only get worse in a shared space. You won’t be able to head home if you’re feeling smothered. Once you’re in, you’re in.

It’s time to get candid, because frankly, if your boyfriend can’t understand that your need for alone time is about self-care, as opposed to disrespecting his family, you should start re-thinking this whole relationship. How will this look in another five years if you can’t set boundaries now?

Don’t worry about coming off rude. Don’t pretend this is about wanting more time as a twosome. Be very clear that as much as you love his family, you are a person who requires space. Explain that there won’t be an open-door policy for guests at all times – you’ll want a heads up when you have company. If he doesn’t get it, you have to hit pause.

Readers? Should they move in? What should she tell him?

– Meredith

Family 🖤 Dating Living Together

Featured Comment

If he’s that tied to his family I’d say he’s looking for a relationship with an orphan. He won’t be able to handle it if ever you want the two of you to do something with your family.

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