A.

Sounds like it’s time for honesty – with the most positive spin. Instead of asking, “Why aren’t we doing x, y, and z,” present him with the romantic and sexy truth, which is:

“I miss having fun, great sex with you.”

And …

“I’d rather feel close to you than receive random expensive jewelry.”

You could start there and see where those topics lead you. Maybe he’ll explain that he’s stressed, busy at work, and bogged down with home stuff. Perhaps he’s been wondering how to make things better.

If the conversation feels open and calm, it might be a great time to ask about marriage. Does he still think about it? How have those thoughts evolved since Year 1?

Of course, before you say all a bunch of nice things about what you want, please consider the truth. It’s possible you wrote in hoping I’d tell you, “This relationship is over.” Maybe your diminished sex life made you less interested in a lifetime of this.

Give yourself a beat to think about your priorities. Maybe you’re the one who’s letting go.

Sometimes we get so focused on a goal (marriage) that we forget if it will actually bring us happiness. End-of-December days off are a great time to sit around, ponder, and talk about everything.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you start this conversation? Is this simply a four-year slump?

What’s on your mind about your relationship life? Friendships, romantic relationships, family? Send an anonymous question through the form – or email [email protected].