We have a fundamental clash of values
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Q.
My partner and I have been together for a little under a year, and in that time we have grown to love each other very much. We support each other, take care of each other, and have become extremely close. Unfortunately, we keep hitting a wall because she is a fundamentalist Christian (with lots of resentment toward the LGBTQ+ community) and I am not.
I’m the son of a trans woman, bisexual, and a self-proclaimed socialist. You’d never expect that the two of us would get together, let alone be attracted to each other. There is this fundamental clash of our values rocks our relationship every few months and then we pretend to forget and live peacefully for a few months before it boils over again. We so badly want the other to see from our point of view, but we keep failing. Yet there is something special between us that neither of us have experienced before. Is there a way forward for us?
– Clashing
A.
I don’t think so.
I mean, I don’t know for sure – and I’ve never seen that “special thing” you’ve never experienced before – but a “fundamental clash of values” seems like an obvious dealbreaker. I’m surprised you didn’t end the relationship the minute you figured out how different you are.
Maybe this is a meaningful experience – a great love of some kind – but not a forever situation. I would guess you want a life partner who will accept you as you are, embrace your loved ones, and be open to learning about the people who make you happy. You mention the word “resentment” … that doesn’t sound like openness.
It’s interesting that you didn’t get more specific about the “something special.” I assume it’s attraction. Maybe some basic kindness. Perhaps it’s the feeling that you’ve met someone very different from everyone else in your life (that’s probably true).
You can be attracted to someone, find them fascinating, date them, realize the interest isn’t enough to sustain the feelings, and then let go.
I don’t see another path here. It doesn’t sound like she’s going to change.
– Meredith
Readers? What am I missing here? Is the caring and kindness enough to make the rest of it work?
Be civil. Be kind.
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