We don't live together. It's been five years.

Friday | December 5, 2025

Love Letters Dating

We don’t live together. It’s been five years.

Something on your mind about relationships? Friendship, romantic, or something else? Send your own question through the anonymous form – or email loveletters@bosto n.com.

My girlfriend and I (both 40+) have been together for more than five years. We don’t live together. When we do get together, it’s for a day or two because we both have busy schedules. We both love to travel, and we do take trips several times a year. We try to make it work the best we can.

A lot of people may see this scenario as ideal, as we both have our own space and do our own thing and then get together when we can. For me it’s getting old. Fast.

Two things are missing for me: proximity and sex. I miss these things. More than anything, it makes me so sad. Expressing love this way, receiving love this way. I’m starting to feel lonely in this relationship and it’s an awful feeling.

We’ve talked about it at length, and she’s simply not interested in sex or, at this point, living together.

At what point do I stop compromising?

– Alone Time

You stop compromising now, I think.

If she’s not interested in sex or living with you, and you want those things with someone, it’s time to move on.

Please know: it’s not a failure, or wasted time, or some horrible life experience. It’s been a loving relationship that worked one way for a long time. Your priorities changed, and you learned a ton about what you want now. You’ve grown.

I can’t even say you’d be happy if she changed her mind, by the way. Truly, living with her might make you feel more lonely, especially if she doesn’t want the physical closeness you desire.

I have a ton of empathy for a woman who doesn’t want to lose her independence, and is happy to do her own thing five or six nights a week. But if that’s her plan for forever, she can do that with someone else. You want more, so you’re not a great partner for her, either.

I’m sorry that’s my answer, but also not – because you’re lonely. Give yourself the chance to find what you’re looking for.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to move on? Can anyone speak from the perspective of the person who thinks this setup is ideal?

What’s on your mind about your relationships? Ask questions about marriage, friendship, dating, crushes, breakups, getting back out there, in-law drama, or whatever, through the anonymous form – or email [email protected].

Dating Living Together