We both work on a cruise ship

Thursday | March 28, 2024

Love Letters Dating

We both work on a cruise ship

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I’ve had a lover on-and-off while working on a cruise ship since last year. He works in my department, so our relationship is a secret. It’s not a one night stand – and we have chemistry.

Recently I had a little party on my birthday. He showed up, but not as a boyfriend because there were other people there. However, he came to my cabin empty-handed, even though he knew it was my birthday. He enjoyed the event, then left. Later, he said something kind of hostile on the phone. Something implying that the quality of my work is messing with the entire department (it does not).

After that night, I got a chest cold and he was supportive – but that put a pause on our sex life.

The most recent development is that someone is coming to work on the ship. It’s someone he knows – and he’s interested in both of us. I’m temporary here and only have two more months in this job.

I think he should do better than just showing up to my cabin empty-handed, especially on a birthday – and that he should treat me better while I’m here.

Is he using me? This started to feel one-sided, and now I don’t know what to do.

– At Sea

It sounds like he’s enjoying your company on his terms. The relationship is casual and temporary, and he’s treating it as such.

He could be nicer, of course. He could be more romantic.

He’s giving you plenty of reasons to spend the next two months working, enjoying the scenery (whatever it is), and focusing on whatever happens next in your life.

Maybe the romance has run its course. That’s awkward – because you’re on a boat – but breakups can happen on remote islands. You can let go of a not-so-great relationship anywhere.

Sometimes people keep things casual by being unreliable and unkind every so often – as if that’s the best way to say, “Hey, let’s both remember this is temporary.” Maybe that’s his game plan here.

Regardless, it sounds like you need to focus on yourself and think less about where he might be and how he’ll show up. You don’t have to wait for him to tell you it’s over. You have a say, too.

– Meredith

Time to end the cruise relationship or let it cruise along for another two months? Thoughts? Send your own question to [email protected] or use the anonymous form.

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Featured Comment

“Sorry to hear this relationship isn’t going well. It must feel extra stressful because of isolation and intensity of life on-ship. He is showing you he is done with the relationship, without the courage to talk to you. Maybe he wants to ‘put you off’ to make room for the new woman coming aboard. How insulting!

Hold your head up high! Ignore him, and be polite but distant. If he gets bullying, report him to management (unless you feel unsafe doing so, workers on cruise ships can be vulnerable).

Better luck with your next relationship, hunny. It is never ideal when a relationship has to be secret. Consider a job/lifestyle change where you can openly date or marry normally.”

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