Dear Meredith,

I think you dealt with the issue of politics in relationships a few months ago, but I’m hoping you’ll address this hot potato again. I’ve been casually dating “Dave” for a year or so. He’s not exactly a Trump fan, but he voted for the guy and his opinions on specific issues seem to lean very far to the right. I, on the other hand, was an enthusiastic Hillary supporter and believe that while Hillary has the ability to empathize with human beings, Trump does not. Dave is thrilled about every new policy that’s devoid of humanity and compassion. In his mind, why should he pay for someone else’s insurance? He says he supports people who really need help but can’t articulate who that is. Meanwhile, I’m a “save the world” type of person.

It’s easy to say we shouldn’t talk politics, but these days, it’s less about politics and more about moral foundations. There have been a few other “lack of empathy” moments on a smaller scale than national politics. Once, an elderly woman asked for my help in a parking lot. She looked like she was about to fall over and couldn’t make it all the way to her car. Any person with a heart would have helped her, but Dave acted like he would have been annoyed and said, “It’s not like she was your mother.” Dave’s moral compass isn’t completely off. He’s amazingly supportive of his own elderly parents and his family, including young nieces and nephews. He’s gone far out of his way on many occasions to help me out during some very challenging times. He’s actually one of the best guys I’ve ever known in terms of how he treats me, and we do have a lot in common. But he saves his compassion for his inner circle.

I seriously question whether our moral foundations are too different for a more serious relationship to work. While we would never be called upon to solve problems with the immigration system or healthcare, can we really create a life together if our views on mankind are so drastically different? Is this just a guy thing? Obviously, opposites attract, but can they stay together? Everything else about the relationship is great. I’m very torn over this and I have held the relationship back because of it.

– Political problems