I’m a woman in my 30s with two elementary-age children from a previous marriage. I’ve been in a steady relationship with my partner for the past two years. He is 10 years my senior, has no children, no prior marriages, is estranged from family, and is very much a loner. In contrast, my lifestyle involves a lot of family and friends. I’ve never been in a relationship with a loner before.

He and I have great chemistry with intellectual, emotional, and physical compatibility. The time we spend together is lovely. But the last two years has revealed that while he is respectful, courteous, and kind, he will not deeply engage with my children, family, or friends. He is not antisocial from a personality standpoint – he has an engaging and bright personality – but he participates very sparingly in family events. We spend most of our time one-on-one; he does not like to go out much, hates crowds, etc.

I initiate every outing and activity with a hit-or-miss success rate. I never know if he will say yes to my family invitations. This puts me in a position where I am dateless to weddings, funerals, company parties, and dinners. It limits my experience with him.

There is also no opportunity for me to engage or participate in his life socially because he does not have/attend events. I don’t see this changing, and I am now unsure of my feelings about the absence of creating memories and traditions with him. In the beginning, he divulged that he was not interested in marriage or having children of his own. That’s fine for me as I am divorced and not looking to remarry. But I want a partnership in life.

He is who he is. Do I change my expectations and continue enjoying what we have? That seems like a one-sided compromise. It truly makes me reconsider the importance of the social aspect of a couple as a whole. I always believed the heart and soul of a relationship was rooted in two people’s strength, loyalty, and commitment to each other. But as a unit of three (myself and two kids), am I wrong or premature in wanting a more all-inclusive experience from my older, loner companion?

– Alone with a Loner