I Think I Dated His Brother

Friday | September 30, 2016

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I Think I Dated His Brother

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Hi Meredith,

I’m 36 years old, divorced, and make really terrible choices in men. After my last disastrous relationship, I took a break from dating for a long period of time. I decided to give romance a possibility again and joined an online dating site. I met this man and we agreed to meet up in person. We completely clicked and ended up talking and laughing for hours. He’s 39, funny, smart, attractive, driven, and has two daughters that he seems to do anything and everything for.

We have spent the better part of two weeks together, almost every single day, and my world has completely changed from once imagining myself alone to actually having a partner in life. The problem is … I think my ex is actually his half brother. They both have the same last name and new guy mentioned another brother of his, and it’s the same brother as my ex. My ex was vague on a lot of the family details, as his father was a womanizer who had many children with many women.

New guy says he has many siblings but doesn’t really know all of them. He’s very close with his mom and seems to mainly focus on his job and his girls. So my question is, do I ask him outright if my ex is his brother? And is it wrong to continue to see him? I have absolutely nothing to do with my ex as he truly is a terrible man. But this new guy and I just have hit it off so well and have so much in common. I don’t want my past to ruin it for us.

– Oh Brother

I wouldn’t ask him if your ex is his brother. I would simply tell him – when you’re relaxed and in a good place for conversation – that you suspect you might have dated his half-sibling. Explain that you weren’t sure how to bring it up, but that you don’t want to hide it like it’s some big secret. Let him know you have no contact with your ex and that you’re only addressing the issue because you want to be transparent in this new, wonderful relationship.

He might be weirded out. He might need some time to make sense of this strange connection. Tell him you understand, but that you hope he can see past it.

The truth is, the world is small, and sometimes we wind up dating people who have strange connections to our past relationships. It’s not wrong to want to continue to see him. Hopefully he feels the same way.

Another bit of advice: Watch your pace. You say you’ve seen this man almost every day and that you’re imagining him as a life partner, but all relationships need time and space to grow. Even the great ones.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this sibling thing a big deal?

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Featured Comment

If it’s really him—and based on the the info you gave, it sounds likely—then oh well. It doesn’t sound like it should play a role in what happens in the relationship between the TWO of you. I’m more concerned that you’re a little over the top with this kind of question and seeing him every day when it’s only been two weeks. Based on the anxiety of perceived half sibling drama and you sounding dramatic all in all, I recommend some space and making sure you’re living a well-rounded life and developing interests in other places. It sounds like you need some perspective and some distance fro this clear rush of intense feelings should help.

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