Hi Meredith,

I’m 26, grew up fast, and have been supporting myself since after high school. I have a stable job with growth and consider myself to be in a good place in life. But my 20s have not always been that way, and I feel like it makes dating other 20-somethings very difficult. Besides financially becoming an “adult” earlier than most of my peers, I’ve experienced major health issues, as well as losing my best friend to cancer (I have been to therapy).

My issue is that I keep dating guys who are “confused.” No matter how I change my dating habits, I seem to spend time with guys who “aren’t ready” for something serious and blame past relationship failures, and can’t open up. Usually I give it a chance, accept it as disinterest, and move on.

Keep in mind that I’m mostly just interested in having a monogamous relationship. I’m not ready to think about big abstract life choices yet, but I tend to be a one guy kind of girl. Also, I joke that my exes are perennials because they come back every year. Men that I cut contact off with years ago will try to begin pursuing me again. Ones that I attempt to stay friends with wind up trying to relive our relationship. One asked me to marry him, another asked to fly me across the country to his new city. Anyone who has ever ended a relationship with me seems to follow the same path: “I can’t have a serious relationship with you, but I need you in my life because I want us to be close.”

My current sweetheart is a really great guy I’ve been seeing for six months. I wasn’t expecting us to last so long, but we just kept having fun together. I’m constantly impressed with how kind he is to me. Basically, it’s just starting to get good. But now he’s putting the breaks on it, telling me he may move, and that if we got too serious, he would lose me as a friend down the line and that would hurt him. It’s making him anxious that I want monogamy, even though I’ve told him that it’s the only real expectation I have of him.

I’ve mostly been reacting to this by getting very emotional, and he’s letting me work through my emotional processing. I’m trying hard to step outside of myself and look at this relationship. Is this just part of dating in your 20s? Does the weight of my life experience make me intolerant of these “confused” guys? Should I be dating older?

– 50/50