Should I Tell This Woman I’ve Been Dating Her Fiancé ?

Monday | May 23, 2016

Love Letters Dating

Should I Tell This Woman I’ve Been Dating Her Fiancé ?

Dear Meredith,

I have been involved in a long-distance relationship with someone on and off for six years. We’ve never discussed marriage, but we always had a great time and the chemistry was sizzling whenever we were in the same place. When we weren’t in the same city, the texts and emails would be constant and he would always say exactly the right thing. It worked well for both of us, as we both have very stressful careers that require a lot of travel.

I found out that a few weeks ago that he got engaged to someone that he has been involved with all along. Throughout the years, he would deny being with other women and said I was the only one for him when I asked him about it. Even weeks after his engagement, he texted me at work wanting to plan another romantic getaway with me. I am disgusted after learning the truth and I am sure now that there are other women that he has done this or is doing this to. His fiancée has children from her first marriage and I believe she should know the type of man she is marrying, but I do not want to hurt her because it is not her fault. Do I tell her?

– Confused

There’s never a great answer to the “should I tell” question. There are as many reasons to contact this woman as there are to stay out of it. You have to consider what you can live with and imagine the worst-case scenario in either direction. How would you feel if this woman dismissed your claims? How would it feel if they turned it around on you?

It sounds like your gut wants to reach out, and for the record, I’d probably feel that way, too. I tend to be an advocate of leaving things alone, but … this is a six-year lie. And they’re engaged. If I were her, I’d want to be told.

Just know that once you speak up, it might be difficult to extract yourself from the mess. Think about how you can share what you know and then escape – because it’s no good for you to continue to be a part of the conversation. You need to focus on your own life and moving on.

– Meredith

Readers? Should she tell? Should she talk to the guy first? What’s the best way to reach out (email, call)?

Dating Cheating

Featured Comment

I think it’s presumptious to intrude upon some stranger’s life and assume you know what’s best for them than they do. You have no idea what kind of relationship they’ve had. For all you know, since he travels so much, they may have had an open relationship. But really, it’s none of your business. You now know this guy is getting married, so end all contact and go about your life.

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