We Were Supposed To Have A Summer Fling

Monday | June 12, 2017

Love Letters Dating

We Were Supposed To Have A Summer Fling

I met a guy through a mutual friend and we started talking for a few weeks. We both agreed that we weren’t looking for anything serious and agreed on having a summer fling with each other. We said we’d go on cute dates and spend time together – for the summer.

Last weekend, we both got drunk and ended up hooking up with each other for the first time. Since we hooked up, I haven’t heard from him. At first I thought maybe he was waiting for me to message him, but my friends said I was being naive. Did he just say all of those nice things about spending the summer together so I’d hook up with him? I’m so confused and hurt, especially because I never thought that I would be used by him, but is that what happened? Part of me is hoping that there’s some reason he hasn’t messaged me and that eventually he will, but another part of me knows that if he really wanted to talk to me he would have by now. Should I message him for my own closure or is it understood that this was just a one-night stand?

– Confused

The lesson here – a good one for June – is that you can’t negotiate a summer fling before the fling begins. If you’re working out all of the details before the first kiss, you’re making empty promises. (It’s worth noting that Merriam-Webster defines fling as “a casual or brief love affair.” There’s nothing casual about scheduling the length of something ahead of time.)

Accept the fact that you did have a summer fling; it was just shorter than you wanted it to be, and it was more of a spring fling because summer begins next week. Do not message this man. If he reaches out – and he probably will – think about whether you can be casual with him, because you’ve already experienced serious hurt. You want romance and a relationship, but he’s not interested.

The good news here is that there’s still time to find a real summer love. It’s only June 12. Look for someone who will keep showing up.

– Meredith

Readers? Can you negotiate a summer fling like this?

Dating

Featured Comment

I hate to say it, but the hook up was not good for him. Or, he’d have reached out no later than the following weekend. That, or he is intrigued by someone else, and is spending his time wooing her. Sorry, LW.

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