He Stopped Calling And Texting … For A Few Hours

Wednesday | October 11, 2017

Love Letters Dating

He Stopped Calling And Texting … For A Few Hours

Dear Meredith,

Six weeks ago, I met a man at a festival. He is 30 and I am in my 40s (not that age is important). We made a real connection at this festival, swapped numbers, and then he visited me for three days and we had an amazing time. After that, we began speaking on the phone at least three times a day and sending texts all day long. He lives a few hours away by car.

We have plans to meet up – he was going to pick me up after another festival soon – but days ago, he started replying less frequently. Yesterday, he never answered his phone.

The long and short of it is that I overreacted when I didn’t hear from him. I felt I was being ignored and sent him several texts basically saying “have a nice life” and “nice knowing you.” He finally replied by asking if I was being serious, and then said he felt awful about the unanswered texts.

I replied by asking whether he still wanted to see me. He has not replied for hours, which is why I’m writing this letter. I know this may sound immature (and that I might have some more answers by the time this letter runs), but I’m looking for advice about what’s happening here and what I should say when we talk about it.

– What’s the message?

I’m going to assume you met at a Renaissance festival, if you don’t mind. I’d like to imagine this with costumes.

As for your problem, my guess is that he was busy and couldn’t text you back – and that’s OK. It can feel nice to reach out every few minutes in the beginning of a relationship, but that kind of constant communication isn’t sustainable. What would you accomplish if you were on the phone with him three times a day with texts in between? How would you make time to be present with anyone else?

It’s an adjustment when that kind of communication drops off – especially if you’re starting a long-distance relationship – but it doesn’t have to mean anything. With more space between calls, the conversation might have more substance. He’ll have had time to process his answer.

Let him know (when he’s ready to talk) that you’d love to see him. Apologize for stressing him out. Don’t make it a big deal.

– Meredith

Readers? Should she explain her reaction?

Dating

Featured Comment

Sometimes emails don’t show up on my phone for a few hours. I don’t know why it happens. It can be annoying but I never feel the need to lash out at the sender. Point is, there are many reasons why he didn’t respond for a few hours.

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