Sick Of People Telling Me I’ll Change My Mind About Marriage And Children

Thursday | October 8, 2015

Love Letters Dating

Sick Of People Telling Me I’ll Change My Mind About Marriage And Children

When it comes down to it, I like my life. No, I am not in love with my life, but to think about things like children and marriage and even dating gives me the creeps. I find myself getting mad whenever people want me to go out and find someone. I have told people many times that I am happy just being home and enjoying books, TV, and so on without someone there to ruin it.

What makes me angry though is this: People always say the same things. “Oh, you need to find someone.” “Oh, you’re young, there’s always time.” Then there’s my all-time most hated thing to hear: “You’ll change your mind.” Makes me want to punch a wall. Of course I wonder what may be wrong with me, but really all I want to know is how people can be like this. How can people go around telling others how their life is going to be? Why can’t they just be happy with their lives and leave people like me alone? I have grown up thinking that sometimes these people are right. But after 26 years of never really dating and never wanting to go out, I am just not willing to put myself out there anymore. (Yes, I have tried.) And I don’t get how people can be so aggressive about me changing my mind. They act like I am hurting them or something. I guess the thing is, I am happy and I like my life. Why is it so many people are so hell-bent on trying to take that away from me?

– I’m happy

People can be bossy and nosy, but usually they mean well. When they say there’s still time for love and children, they’re just wishing you happiness based on what’s worked for them. It’s like when I tell people to watch my favorite TV shows. I’m not trying to be pushy – I just really believe I’m giving them a tip that will make their lives better. I know that not everyone is going to love “Buffy,” but you know what? Most people do.

It’s far more presumptuous to tell someone they’ll change their mind about marriage and children, and as an unmarried person without children, I empathize with your frustration. You’re allowed to do some private eye rolls when others make assumptions about your needs. That said, you shouldn’t be so angry. You shouldn’t want to punch a wall. You have to ask yourself why you’re so furious. My guess is that even though you’re happy, you wouldn’t mind having more control over your love life. Admitting that doesn’t mean you’re secretly miserable. You can be happy and open to change at the same time.

Your best bet is to come up with some honest responses so you don’t have to feel trapped and angry when people tell you what you need. One good line is, “You never know.” It works because it’s the truth.

Readers? How can she address these questions?

– Meredith

Dating

Featured Comment

u0022I confided to my best friend once that I feared her teenage kids viewed my life choice as a cautionary tale (no kids, unmarried). Her response to me was: no, I hold your choices up to them as a valid alternative for smart, successful, strong women.nnThis is one of the many reasons she’s my best friend, and has been for 34 years.nnSurround yourself with people like that, LW.u0022 – Hide The Silver

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