She’s in the closet
What’s been on your mind about your dating and relationship life? Ask a question.
Get advice. It helps others who’ve been wondering the same thing.
Submit an anonymous letter here …
or email [email protected].
Q.
Long story short, I’m a bisexual dating another bisexual. Where is the problem, you may ask? She’s in the closet.
Any of my queer friends would know it’s not the best to date someone in the closet. And I feel like we’re not even dating. We don’t talk much in real life, which is my fault really. We mostly just flirt and text. It’s really not fun at all.
I’m just frustrated … but I feel like I love her. As someone who is kind of in the gender neutral spectrum, its also not that fun dating someone who thinks there are only two genders in the world. I’m basically cisgender, so her thinking there are only two genders shouldn’t concern me, but some of my friends are identify in different ways, and they would not want to be around someone who might deny their experience.
I feel like I’m dating someone with internalized homophobia, but because of my feelings for her, I’m confused about what to do.
– Confused
A.
“It’s really not fun at all.”
This is what has me stuck. You’re wondering what to do about these complicated, deal-breaking differences, but on top of that, you don’t have much of a bond in real life.
You’re “flirting and texting.” This does not sound like a great love.
It’s possible you’re falling for the idea of her – what she could be, what you hope she might be. Instead, think about what she is. Are you fulfilled by your relationship as it stands? Maybe you’ve avoided pursuing this in real life because you’d be happier single. Perhaps you know that.
Basically, you’ve listed a bunch of problems that would be difficult to work through. It might be worth confronting them if there were more here, but … it’s a shallow connection.
It would be nice to have fun with someone who gets you.
Fun is important. If it’s not that, you can move on.
– Meredith
Readers? Why does this connection seem so big if there’s not much going on in real life? Why are we sometimes super interested in people who are wrong for us on paper?
Be civil. Be kind.
Read our full community guidelines.To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address