She’s a bad texter
My pre-letter note: I have returned from Italy. That’s where I was – it was my first time. I did Rome. I did the Tuscan Sun. I did Venice. I also went to the bathroom, despite being on vacation, so the whole thing was a win.
Today I’ll start with a giveaway that is perfect for anyone who loves therapy – or comedians like Nicole Byer, Mike Birbiglia, and Tig Notaro. There’s a Thursday-night (7 p.m.) screening of the film “Group Therapy” as part of the Globe Docs Film Festival, which is one of my favorite things the Globe does. This particular showing will be at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in the Seaport, which is a very fun spot.
It will be followed by a short, onscreen conversation I had with the documentary’s director, Neil Berkeley. The film is funny, thought-provoking, considers therapy in nuanced ways, and answers some questions about the relationship between humor and mental health. You can see the trailer here. (I highly recommend going to this with a friend who loves stand-up comedy or therapy talk.)
Anyway, if you want a pair of tickets to the Thursday screening – for free, as a guest of Love Letters – *enter here* by submitting a question that’s been on your mind. Make it the kind of question you’d bring up (anonymously) in group therapy.
You can enter to win tickets until tomorrow at Noon, and winners will know they have the tickets by tomorrow at 5. If you’re desperate to go to the event no matter what, you can also just buy tickets … but isn’t it nice when they’re free?
Q.
Hi Meredith,
Recently I’ve become smitten with a much younger woman. I’m in my late 40s and she’s in her late 20s. We met her through a recreational sports league and discovered that we also work for the same company – in different departments.
We’ve met for coffee as well as lunch several times on days we’re both working in the office. We’ve also socialized with others in our sports league after our respective games. I love how inquisitive, attentive, and empathic she is when we spend in-person, especially one-on-one time together. Part of me absolutely wants to spend more time together outside of work and sports to see if there’s more to this.
The challenge with trying to build our friendship as well as something potentially more is that she’s quite introverted and I’m very extroverted. I like and want constant banter (i.e. texts, chats, etc.) from someone who I have that connection with. With her, I feel I’m almost always initiating the digital conversations and sometimes get frustrated/impatient because she’s often slow to respond, or doesn’t respond without me following up with her on something.
She also doesn’t seem to show her personality as much through digital banter as much as when we spend 1-1 time in person (which is not enough). She’s very low-maintenance (it’s also evident in her presentation/appearance) and I think I’ve been wired for high-maintenance based on what I’ve experienced in past relationships. I think about her constantly, but am conflicted over whether I want to pursue this further despite the age difference.
– Conflicted
A.
Why don’t you ask her if she wants to go out on a real date? To see if there’s chemistry?
That’s the missing step here. You’re trying to figure out if you could be in a successful relationship with her based on the minimal digital banter, but you don’t even know if she’s open to more than friendship.
If you were dating her, you’d have a lot more one-on-one time, I assume. Maybe the texts wouldn’t feel as important – or maybe you’d find your own rhythm, together.
Age difference, work connection, communication styles … all of these things can be discussed and considered after you know if romance is on the table.
It sounds like it would be appropriate to ask, in a straight-forward way, “Hey, would you be open to me taking you out on a proper date? Like a dinner/movie kind of thing? No pressure, but I’ve been wondering if there’s more here than friendship, and I’d love to find out.” (Write your own script. You’ll say it better than I did.)
If she says no, that’s an answer – and you can assure her it’s no big deal. If she says yes, see how things change. Because I bet they do.
– Meredith
Readers? Any big reason not to simply ask? If the friend/co-worker isn’t communicating much beyond group outings and the occasional work meal, is that the answer?
And of course, this is a great time to submit your own letters. I want to hear what’s on your mind about dating, love, loss, frustrations, hopes, friendship, marriage, etc. Send your own letter by using the anonymous form or email [email protected].
Be civil. Be kind.
Read our full community guidelines.To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address