“All I know is that I am committed to our relationship.”

Great. At least you’ve made that decision.

The question is more about how you engage with your parents and your girlfriend – separately and together.

I’d protect your girlfriend as much as possible. If she asks what your parents say about her, explain that they’re a slow burn and that your mom is the one who’s interested in knowing more.

I’m sure your girlfriend can read the room a little. She might not ask about your dad at all.

When it comes to your parents, let them know you’re happy – not just with your girlfriend, but in other parts of your life, too. If your dad communicates his opinions again, explain that his assumptions about her don’t match reality, and that you hope he’ll give it some time. Also let him know you’re changing because you’re an adult. Your girlfriend isn’t altering your personality; you’re doing that on your own as you evolve.

You can also share very specific reasons why you like her. As in, “I started falling for her because I’ve noticed she is kind to people who seem lonely.” Or, “She inspires me to learn more about the world, and we hope to travel together someday.” Sometimes it’s hard for parents to remember that “good on paper” isn’t always great in real life.

Expect this phase to be a little uncomfortable. Part of this is involves your parents realizing they’re not the boss of you anymore.

It sounds like your instincts are great, despite all of this. You can continue to feel frustrated and sad about your dad, but also enjoy this romantic relationship and protect your girlfriend. You can give your parents the benefit of the doubt – and some time – while growing what you have.

I think this is what’s called a rite of passage.

– Meredith