A.

I find myself wondering how your friendship with Sarah affects your other relationships.

When she goes negative, does it change how you see other friends, colleagues, and possible romantic partners? Do you find yourself judging them more?

I hope not.

I’m usually for shooting one’s romantic shot, pursuing a crush, and taking the risk, but you use the word “ungrateful” to describe this friend. Gratitude is so important in any kind of relationship.

I’m surprised Sarah hasn’t turned this negativity on you. Perhaps these romantic feelings are reciprocated, so you’re in a safe spot with her, but I understand why you assume you’d get a taste of the mean if you were her significant other.

I’m basing all of this on your description of her, to be clear. You make it sound like there’s more “ugh, everyone is the worst” than “let’s have a great day.” Part-time compassion doesn’t mean much if it comes after a blast of judgement.

We’re all negative thinkers, I think. I can be judgmental, paranoid, and standoffish. But it’s not a default (I hope).

The big thing is: I like friends/companions/romantic partners who help me bring out the best versions of myself. Sometimes my “best self” is in a terrible mood and furious about the world, but it’s not negativity for the sake of it – and I do want to make things better.

If you believe this woman brings out the worst in you, I wouldn’t jump to date her. I might focus the energy on altering the friendship, so you can bring each other to a more positive place. Maybe she’d like that, too.

– Meredith

Readers? Could this woman’s attitude change after they start dating? Is it worth seeing how this could play out?

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