A.
My first thought: I’m not sure that a digital romantic card is what makes a person think of sex. Reader: this letter writer did include the card website they use. I didn’t want to link to it – because what if it gives everyone a computer virus or something? – but I did visit the site, and let me tell you: these digital love letter cards are not sexy. They’re just pink, and you can write your own message.
Something tells me, letter writer, you’re not writing very sexy messages. Romantic, loving messages can feel more like big, wonderful hugs than calls for other kinds of action.
Your best bet? Ask her more about the moments that have put her in the mood. Why, on some nights, has she thought, “It’s been two months, let’s do this!” Has it been about a lack of work stress? Good lighting? The fact that you’ve just seen a movie with sex in it? She might not know, but maybe it’s something she can consider.
Also ask whether she likes and looks forward to that part of your relationship. It’s not about judging her if she doesn’t; it’s more about compatibility. It does sound like she wishes she wanted more sex. But find out if that’s for her – or to make you feel better.
Couples go through long stretches of one thing or another. Droughts, sprints, changes in habits and interests, etc. It can be because of health, business, life transitions like post-college adulthood. You just want to make sure your partner has similar goals. Hopefully your significant other says, “Yes, this works for me for right now, but I do miss the days we did this three times a week. I hope I can get there again.”
Find out more. Because if the real answer is “I like it like this, and once every four months is fine forever,” you’ll need to consider other paths – because yes, at that point, the two of you would be “moving in different directions.”
Be civil. Be kind.
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