Serial Dater Or Sex Addict?

Thursday | April 2, 2015

Love Letters Dating

Serial Dater Or Sex Addict?

Thanks for chat yesterday. I’m at [email protected] if you have any questions about the new site or have trouble submitting a letter. Send some good ones.

Dear Meredith and colleagues,

I am 31 years old. I currently date around quite a bit as I did throughout my 20s. It is common for me to sleep with two or three women in a week. To clarify, I usually get involved with a woman for a few weeks at the same time I am involved with one or two other women. These relationships generally fizzle after a few weeks, either because of my lack of interest or theirs, and I usually meet a new woman shortly thereafter. These relationships never get to the point of mutual exclusivity and I do practice safe sex.

I find myself physically attracted to women for various reasons. I meet a woman and find something about her that makes me want to sleep with her. Sometimes it’s physical, sometimes it’s her personality. I treat women well. I don’t see them as just a one night stand and I don’t just make booty calls to them. I actually date them.

My issue is that I am not sure why I haven’t picked one to be with. I know it’s normal to date and shop around but I seem to be constantly interested in someone new and I’m not sure why. Some of my friends think I am interested in the conquest but I don’t think that is the case. I’m wondering if I’m just not the monogamous type or if I have some kind of sexual addiction. I do watch porn and I like thinking about sex but I don’t necessarily feel consumed by it. Will I eventually meet someone who will shift my view or do I need to seriously alter my views of sex?

– Dater

It’s possible you’re just not the monogamous type. And that’s OK – as long as there’s no promise of exclusivity and you’re up front with these women about your intentions.

It’s also very possible — and probable — that you’re just not interested in having a serious relationship right now. People often find long-term partners when their needs change. At some point, you might want more company or to be with someone with whom you share inside jokes and memories. If and when that happens, you’ll want to change your lifestyle. It’ll feel natural.

Of course, if you really want to test your wants and needs, it’s worth experimenting with a new routine. You could hold off on sleeping with people until you really get to know them — maybe wait a few weeks and then decide whether you still find them attractive. It’s a way of testing the conquest theory and of figuring out what really consumes you.

Readers? Is there a problem here? Why hasn’t the letter writer picked a partner?

– Meredith

Sex 🖤 Dating