He Only Sees Me During Lunch Breaks

Monday | May 1, 2017

Love Letters Dating

He Only Sees Me During Lunch Breaks

Hello Meredith,

My boyfriend and I are about to have our three-year anniversary, but I wish there was more between us to celebrate. At first our relationship was long-distance, so I decided to move to a place that’s closer to his. But since the move, things haven’t been what I hoped they’d be. He’s distant and always has excuses if I suggest something for us to do together.

He only visits during his lunch breaks from work, never after work or on weekends, and he says he can’t spend more than an hour with me because we will fight, and that’s why he only devotes his lunch hour to us. He does not call and can go hours without texting, and I do not know what to think about his behavior.

In two days my family is coming to see me. After this many years, I was hoping to be able to introduce them to my boyfriend, but I feel that I don’t have anything to show them. I really love my boyfriend and I have tried every possible thing to make it work, but he seems to be getting more and more distant. I need to feel loved, and I need to know what route to take with regards this relationship. I have tried talking to him to no avail.

– Lonely

The talking-it-out phase of this relationship is over. You’ve told him what you want and he refuses to give it to you. The only thing you need to know is that he’s not really your boyfriend anymore. If you’re only seeing him during lunch breaks and he says he doesn’t want to spend more than an hour with you, you’re pretty much done. All you have to do is process that information and walk away.

Sometimes long-distance relationships are misleading because they allow us to make assumptions about what life would be life if the miles disappeared. You assumed things would be better if you lived closer, but now you know the truth: the distance in the relationship was about more than geography.

End this and lean on your family for support if you can. Spend time with all of the people who like seeing you for more than 60 minutes at a time.

– Meredith

Readers? Any words of wisdom for someone who’s figuring this out after three years?

Dating Distance