Searching for the woman I met at the restaurant

Thursday | February 6, 2025

Love Letters Dating

Searching for the woman I met at the restaurant

I’m looking for friendship letters right now. If you have questions about platonic relationships, send them, please. Use the form – or to [email protected].

I’m a regular at a local bar/restaurant, and I mainly go for there for drinks and it’s a female staff type environment, so of course I go there for the women, too. I mostly sit at the bar, but one day it was full so I had to sit at a table. And I’m really glad I did because the waitress I had was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous inside and out. She was also very kind and sweet.

Throughout the time I was there, we had a wonderful conversation and we just really clicked. Unfortunately, her shift was coming to an end but I didn’t mind because I knew I would see her again since I went there every day. And I did see her quite a few times, and when I would sit at a table, I was really hoping she would be my waitress again. Sadly, it didn’t happen, and I didn’t see her for a while. I wasn’t sure if she didn’t work there anymore or if she was just absent for a bit. I was fortunate to have gotten her name but it would’ve been helpful if I had known what her last name was. I tried to find her on social media but I was having no success. I even thought about asking where she’s been but I didn’t want to disrespect her privacy or make her feel like I was compromising her safety (I would not want to put her in a vulnerable position).

I don’t want to give up finding her, though, because I know once I do, I will feel very rewarded knowing I achieved and accomplished something I thought was impossible. What do you think I should do?

– Searching

Stop searching.

I do know that every time I tell letter writers that people in the hospitality industry are at work when they’re being sweet and nice, and that they probably don’t want to pursued on the job, there are some examples of people who met a partner that way.

Of course there are exceptions to the rule.

But those people often make themselves easy to find. Or they show up to the table the next day because they’re looking for the other person, too.

It sounds like she’s gone – or doesn’t want to be seen. Finding her wouldn’t be an accomplishment. You could be using that time to join an activity where single women are looking to be found.

There is some version of this situation – if it happens again in the future – where you take a risk in the moment and leave a note. Something that says, “I don’t want to bother you at work, but I’d love to take you out. Text me if you’re interested, and if you don’t text, I won’t ever be weird about it when I come in as a customer.” Something that truly puts the ball in the other person’s court.

With this one, though? She’s not treasure on a map. It just doesn’t sound like the search is reciprocal.

It would be nice if you could be with someone who’s looking for you, too.

– Meredith

People who work in hospitality, restaurants, bars, etc: can you please tell us if being approached like this at work ever feels OK, and how someone can ask you out without making your job uncomfortable? Readers, any other thoughts?

Send your own letter here – or to [email protected]. I’m reading.

Dating Office

Featured Comment

I think you missed your shot in-the-moment if there was interest on your part. Too bad. Perhaps you’ll see her again, perhaps you won’t, but stop the external searching … Take a very subtle approach next time and offer your number if there’s interest on your part with zero expectations.

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