Parenting A Breakup

Wednesday | September 9, 2015

Love Letters Dating

Parenting A Breakup

Hi Meredith,

My daughter is 23, a new grad, has an entry-level job, and lives with her boyfriend (also 23, new grad w/ entry-level job). Both are smart introvert types, very good looking, popular, and hard workers. Their relationship became intense in college. My daughter is deeply in love.

Junior year, he needed a break, and she was so devastated that it affected her health. Months later, they were back together. They now live together, but are both unhappy with their jobs and want to go back to school.

Recently, they decided to take a month-long break and she moved home. There is no sign of cheating, just his need for space. She is holding up much better this time, but she is still in love with him and asks if she could ever open her heart to him again since this seems to be a pattern. She feels he needs help with depression but hasn’t done anything about it yet.

Should she wait for him to figure himself out? Will she ever be able to trust that this won’t happen again in the future?

– Parent

It’s good that she moved home. It sounds like they both need space to figure out their post-college lives.

Instead of advising your daughter to wait for this guy or to move on, go for the third option. Tell her to table all decisions and focus on herself. What does she need to do to be happy on her own right now? How does she want to spend the next month? She doesn’t have to make any quick decisions about this long-term relationship. She just has to get through the next few weeks.

My guess is that she’ll wind up single, but you already know that, right? This is their second break, and living together didn’t improve their relationship. Of course, she has to come to that conclusion on her own. The good news, she’s on her way. She’s holding up much better this time. That says a lot.

Readers? How do you advise someone going through this kind of extended break/breakup? Should the daughter try this relationship again?

— Meredith

Dating

Featured Comment

u0022Ahhhh, I wish you had been my mom! Mine typically said, ‘figure it out yourself, honey.’ (Actually, I added in the ‘honey’ part.)nnJust be there for your daughter. Encourage her to get counselingu002du002dthere’s no stigma in it and it may make a world of difference. And maybe browse through college courses with her. Just help her onto the right pathu002du002dthe rest is up to her.u0022 — SassySadie

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