Hi Meredith,

I am an independent woman in my early 30s. I have a great job, I own a house, and I feel like I have my head on straight. I have also been single for close to a decade (mostly due to my own fear of getting into another relationship). My last relationship (in my early 20s) left me insecure and afraid of getting close to another man. I felt used and emotionally exhausted. I decided to spend my time earning my graduate degree, finding a job, and getting all my ducks in a row. I essentially built walls to protect myself from another heartbreak.

Last fall I decided that it’s OK for me to move on and try to find someone to love again. And so enters the world of online dating. I have tried a couple of different sites and even casually dated someone for a couple of months before he told me he basically wasn’t that into me. In the past couple of weeks I’ve taken a break from online dating since it was getting a bit too frustrating and I was questioning my self-worth and felt I was going down a rabbit hole of depression.

It should be noted that when I joined those dating sites, I decided that I would be a modern woman and would send emails to men that I was interested in. I have tried all kinds of different email introductions — referencing written profiles, referencing photos, being funny, being unfunny, being interesting, being boring, etc., but I have yet to have even one man write back. I find this especially frustrating when emailing a man who may have already liked one of my pictures, or “winked” or liked my profile in general. What gives with that? I realize that it’s a game of numbers, but I don’t know if I have the constitution to take tacit rejection. How do I maintain a positive outlook in the face of rejection? What am I doing wrong? I am prepared to be old and alone, but it would be awfully nice to have someone to share my life with.

– Desert Island