Not Ready To Date?

Thursday | March 19, 2015

Love Letters Dating

Not Ready To Date?

I’ve been separated from my second husband for four years, and because we are only separated, I haven’t started dating. He lives in another state and we both know why it’s over. But I believe that until I am completely ready to date, I shouldn’t start.

Recently a good female friend of mine separated from her husband and is in complete turmoil. She cries about it and there are all sorts of legal and financial issues to deal with. She was advised by friends (not me) to start dating immediately. She even joined an expensive dating service in the Boston area.

I wonder which one of us is doing this right. The man she has been matched with has a profile that says he wants a relationship and marriage. She’s going to go out with him even though she says the idea of the date makes her sick to her stomach. She’s just hoping to forget being dumped by husband.

What do you think? We are both in our early 60s (but are young in looks and spirit).

– A Letter

You’re both wrong.

If your friend hasn’t come to terms with her divorce and literally gets sick when she thinks about going on a date, she shouldn’t be forcing herself to meet new men. Dating is supposed to be interesting and exciting, even when it’s scary. If it feels like an obligation, she’s not ready.

In your case, it sounds like it’s time for a change. You understand why your marriage ended. (I’ll assume you have plans to finalize the divorce. If not, make some.) You’ve had years to process your feelings and to consider what’s next. You can start off slow by attending a singles event in a group or by browsing an online dating website with no pressure to make contact. Just see what’s out there and whether anyone catches your eye. Something tells me you might spot someone you like if you allow yourself to look.

Readers? Should they be dating? How should they pace themselves?

– Meredith

Dating

Featured Comment

For me, I planned to wait until I was completely ready too. But I got bored and lonely and started dating much earlier than that. I’m glad I did because I think it helped me. I can’t say its the same for you. You kind of just have to figure it out for yourself.

? Gretchynn Share Thoughts