Not Ready For Him To Meet My Parents

Thursday | August 4, 2016

Love Letters Dating

Not Ready For Him To Meet My Parents

Dear Meredith,

I am a junior in college and have been dating “Bob” for about a year. We met in April and started off as friends, and then he confessed his feelings for me in June. From that point on, we were together. We dated for eight months before breaking up in February, mostly due to school; we were too busy with our course loads, and I felt Bob wasn’t there enough for me. Then he broke up with me.

During the time we were together, I managed talk about him as a really good friend to my mom and sister. So the day after we broke up, I ended up telling my mom and sister about Bob breaking up with me. Needless to say, they weren’t too happy. I was really angry at him for a while because it seemed like he just gave up and was always full of excuses. We had been broken up for a month before Bob came back and apologized for not being there for me and for putting me through so much pain.

We got back together in March. We’ve been together since then, and things have changed for the better. I’ve met his mom, and I’ve been over at his place. He’s mentioned wanting to meet my parents and extended family, but I’m apprehensive about that kind of thing. Bob is my first boyfriend. Plus, coming from a Pakistani/Iranian background, it doesn’t make it any easier. There tends to be a lot of drama in my family when it comes to relationships. When my sister told my parents about her boyfriend (who became her husband), my dad didn’t take it too well. They’d been together for about seven to eight years before my parents finally knew.

We’re not trying to rush anything, just taking it as slow as possible. In all honesty, I’m not really ready to introduce Bob to all my parents yet. My mom and sister definitely know about him. While they still don’t appreciate him breaking up with me, they do like that he makes me happy. My dad doesn’t know about Bob, though. I was planning on officially introducing Bob to my mom, sis, and dad after I finished college, my undergrad specifically. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this kind of issue? I’d really appreciate it.

– A clueless romantic

You have to trust your gut when it comes to pace. If you feel uneasy about making a big introduction right now, you can wait. If you feel like the relationship is still too shaky for this big step, don’t take it. You don’t have to prove that you guys are OK by making a grand gesture. It sounds like that’s what’s happening – that he’s asking for a big meet-and-greet to prove that he’s all in. Let him know that there’s no need to mess with the original, post-college plan.

It sounds like your sister had the right idea, by the way. She waited until she was confident about her relationship before bringing her now-husband into the family. By the time your dad was upset, your sister was well beyond having to second-guess her decisions.

If you’re really on the fence, you can also talk to your mom and sister about how this should work. If they know what’s happening – and they like that he makes you happy – they’ll help.

– Meredith

Readers? When should she make introductions?

Family 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

You know your family and your relationship best, so if you feel that it’s not a good time to make the introduction, then stick with your gut. Personally, I can’t imagine waiting 7 years before meeting someone’s family because family is usually part of the package when you decide to be with someone forever.

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