Never been on a date

Wednesday | April 30, 2025

Love Letters Dating

Never been on a date

What’s on your mind about new relationships, becoming single again, dating, love, loss, complicated friendships, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].

Hey Love Letters,

I’ve been single genuinely my whole life and I’m starting to get worried, LOL. I’m about to graduate college, have friends, and am working toward a career I love, but I just never have had any romantic experiences – like at all.

I’ve kissed, but really only platonically, and I’ve never done anything more than that. Honestly, what’s worse is that I’ve never really been on a date. I know I don’t need that kind of love to be fulfilled, but sometimes it feels like I do? I’m really a romantic at heart and I seriously can’t wait to one day be a girlfriend. I don’t think that’s so wrong. I’m just starting to get worried that that may never come.

I’m pretty reserved and all, but I do want to try to start having these experiences. What advice can you give to someone who’s a little behind in the game and has been entirely unsuccessful until now?

– College

Try to stop thinking of yourself as “unsuccessful.” It’s not about succeeding or failing, it’s about trying new things. Learning lessons. Figuring out what you want.

If you’re focused on school and friendship, that’s great. No rush for romantic partnership. If you want to go on a date or two to see what it’s like, maybe get on an app and see who pops up. You can have a simple coffee date that ends with no kiss. Maybe you’ll have lunch near campus with someone you want to see again.

Many people leave high school and college with plenty of dating experience, but no sense of what they want to do in the world. They might feel like they’re falling behind because people like you have career aspirations. Perhaps they haven’t found strong friendships.

Know that you’ll always be ahead of the curve in some ways, and behind in others. Do whatever you want, when it feels right.

My guess is that you do want to have a date before you leave school. If that’s the case, go for it. Be safe, know it doesn’t have to be the best or most meaningful moment ever, and remember, it’s about living it, as opposed to getting it right.

– Meredith

Readers? How important was romance during college for you? How do you catch up when you’re feeling left behind?

College 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

At your age, I’d focus more on getting to know people and letting things develop in person through activities, classes, parties, friends of friends. But the apps are there for you if that feels like an easier place to start with people who are explicitly looking to date. If you’re self-conscious that you’ve never been on a date, download an app today and you can be on your first date within a couple of weeks! Just don’t put too much pressure on any one date – pick an activity you know you’ll enjoy either way, and think of it as doing something fun and getting to know a new person for an hour or two. You’ll also do better if you think of dating as finding a good match, not as an evaluation of your worthiness.

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