He Needs To Keep It Casual

Monday | April 10, 2017

Love Letters Dating

He Needs To Keep It Casual

I used to see this guy at the gym and always thought he was extremely cute. One day we matched on Tinder, so I introduced myself. We went on several dates over three weeks and it was going well – but then he found out that his mom had an advanced cancer.

It’s been around two months now and I’m falling for him hard. He says he wants to keep it casual because his head is not in the right place, which is completely understandable. But he says he enjoys spending time with me and wants to continue seeing me, just with no pressure.

He went to visit his mother recently, and since he’s been back, he’s stopped initiating as much. But whenever I ask him to spend time with me, he is always enthusiastic and agrees to see me. I don’t know if I can carry on with this, as I know this is only the beginning of the horrible journey for him. He is already at the stage where we can’t be sexual, no matter how much we both try, because he is too anxious. I want to stick around but I feel there’s no point. But I don’t want to let him go because I like him so much, and I think we could have worked out if it wasn’t for what has been going on. What should I do?

– Bad Timing

This man has told you everything you need to know. He’s explained his boundaries and expectations, and has given you space to figure out how you want to pursue his company. That’s pretty impressive considering all that’s on his mind.

Now it’s time for you to follow his lead and set some boundaries of your own. Maybe you can be a friend to him but go on dates with other people. Maybe it’s better to give yourself some time away to reset your feelings. You want to be kind to this man, but you also have to take care of yourself.

You say that this could have worked out if the timing had been better. Maybe that’s true, but timing is sort of everything. Assume that the status quo will continue, and make decisions accordingly.

– Meredith

Readers? What do you think?

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Featured Comment

This is where people need to be a little more empathetic and let someone deal with whatever they need to deal with instead of framing it around what you want. That’s an ego approach to life. Instead of focusing on what’s not going exactly the way you want; how about being grateful that you got to know him; send good vibes to him; but shift your focus to not wanting something from him; but doing things for yourself.

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