First, to be very clear, I love questions of all kids from all kinds of people. I’m sorry if I missed your first letter.

Apologies for the delay. Today’s your day.

Your partner wants to be friends with her ex and has explained why. Her reasons make sense to me.

A few of my exes are very funny and wonderful. I am so pleased I’ve continued to know them, and it doesn’t mean I have lingering romantic feelings. I simply love – and am grateful for – their place in my life, and our shared history. Worth noting: if I was still in love with one of them, I wouldn’t want to talk to them. It would be too painful.

You say your partner is independent – autonomous, as you put it. That sounds … good? Great? I would hope she has lots of autonomy. But if you want someone who is more fused to you – someone who thinks romantic partnership is everything – you are with the wrong person.

It’s not “stupid,” and no one is at fault; it might just be a bad match. 

If your partner wrote in telling us her girlfriend didn’t want her to be so independent, I’d tell her she might be in the wrong relationship, too. 

I do wish you’d told us about the good stuff – why you stay. The fact that you didn’t is also an answer.

– Meredith