The whole “it’s different with your own kids” thing isn’t just about children you made with your own body, right? It’s always different when it’s your thing – your friends, your house, your choices.

To the other point, toddlers are kind of annoying. Babies are boring. I love my friends’ kids, but their babies usually just sit there. Their toddlers are cute, but they always want to mess around on the antique typewriter in my house, and it’s like, “It’s an antique typewriter! I have 50,000 toys in this place, including video games, and you want to play with the one thing that can break?” (I’m not concerned about the typewriter; it’s just wild that tiny kids are drawn to it.) 

That’s how I feel. But I think I’m more like your partner. I find kids in middle school to be fascinating because they’re learning so much about the world, and so quickly. I think teens are incredible because they’re defining who they are in a complicated world.

Some people who adore babies have a tough time when their kids are adolescents. Maybe your partner will thrive with a kid who’s closer to growing up. Parenting is many, many years.

The bigger question here is whether your significant other wants to do this at all. If it’s only for your benefit, that’s not good. If he’s curious and interested for himself, great. Make sure that’s the case. Clarify what he means when he says he’s “open” to it.

– Meredith