My Parents Hate Him

Tuesday | October 13, 2015

Love Letters Dating

My Parents Hate Him

Thanks to everyone who asked for books yesterday. I’m sorting out your requests – if you’re going to get a book, you’ll hear from me within the week.

Dear Meredith,

I’ve never sought out advice this way but I want to hear from outsiders. I’m a college senior and my boyfriend is 23. We dated for years in high school, but my parents hated him and forbid me to see him. He was into things he shouldn’t have been.

I went behind their backs to see this boy, and it caused a lot of turmoil and heartache for my family. We’ve became so much closer now and we’ve overcome all of those struggles as a family. Now coming up on my senior year of college, I’ve started seeing this same guy again. He is an amazing man and treats me so wonderfully – I couldn’t ask anything more from him.

He has an awesome job and has his life on track. When I tried to talk to my parents about me seeing him again, my mom said, “We will never accept him into our family,” and called me selfish for being with the same guy that “put our family through hell.” My dad wouldn’t even talk to me about it – he just walked away.

I tried to explain to them that I’m not the same person I was when I was 16, nor is he. We’ve both grown, matured, and experienced other relationships in the four years we were separated. I really want to be with him but I don’t want to lose my family or their respect. He wants to meet with them and try to make amends but they refuse. My parents are the most stubborn people you will ever meet, and once they give an opinion about something, there’s no reasoning with them. All of this is so stressful. On top of schoolwork with it being my last year of college, I’m about to lose it.

– Please Help

For now, just focus on your homework and keep your personal life private. I understand that you’re in full disclosure mode with your family, but the second round of this relationship is still new. You can’t make promises about this ex until you know what you want from him.

If the relationship feels solid months from now, you can tell your parents that you’re still hoping they’ll give this a chance. That’s all you can do – ask for what you want and tell them you love them.

Your family might have more faith in your choices if it’s clear you’ve thought things through. That’s why it’s best for you to take your time as you explore Round 2 of this romance. My outsider’s perspective is that is sounds like you’re rushing.

Readers? What can she do? Should she expect her parents’ approval?

– Meredith

Family 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

My advice is to focus on your last year of school and the imminent job search that will occur. You already know how your family feels, so don’t force things with them at this point in time. One thing to remember when you feel like you’re losing your mind is that they love you a lot, and there may be legitimate reasons for their fears that you are unable to assess in the current situation, despite your feeling that the both of you have grown and matured. There is no reason to rush this second try. Over time, if you focus on yourself and moving forward in your life, you will be able to see your guy supports you. If he does, your family will naturally see that you’re bringing out the best in each other. If not, well… there may still be a little maturing to do.Best of luck in your last year of school.

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