A.

It sounds like you want to end the friendship. That’s how you signed the letter.

But if you’re not there yet, and you’d like to make this better, can you try honesty without judgement?

If I were hanging out with this woman, I might ask the following:

1. “You’ve mentioned what you didn’t like about the person you tried to date. What did you enjoy about them?” (This forces a new lens on the positive.)

2. “Where do you think you might find like-minded people?” (This inspires conversation about where she might not be looking.)

3. “What do you think your parents thought of each other when they met? How long did it take for them to build the life you grew up in?” (This might make her realize that they didn’t start out as the couple she knows.)

4. “Do you have friends who understand what you’re going through – because they’re going through it, too?” (This lets her know that it helps to have peers in the same place, and you’re not in that category.)

5. “Hey, I know this isn’t on topic, but I’d love to talk about a thing that’s happening in my own life.” (This reminds her you’re important, too.)

You can’t change someone else’s dating philosophy, and you don’t know what’s best for her. It is possible that an athletic doctor who wants kids and loves making dinner will show up in two weeks and sweep her off her feet. 

All you can do is ask questions, set boundaries for yourself, consider why this has bothered you so much, and think about leaving the friendship if there’s no joy in it. 

Honestly, you might not like her very much. That’s OK.

– Meredith

Have you told a friend they’re being too picky? Is this letter writer’s friend simply being clear about what she wants? Is this friendship conflict about something else?

Send your own letter about a crush, single life, a breakup, a complicated friendship, dating, divorce, etc. Submit your own letter here – or to [email protected].