Hey Mere,

I could really use your help on this one. I dated “Eric” for three years. I was 18 when it ended, and he was 20. Our relationship, while passionate, was also tumultuous, emotionally volatile, and overflowing with immaturity. For about five years after we broke up, he doggedly tried to keep me in his life and win me back. He did this through texts, uninvited visits, emails, you name it. I never felt threatened, just sad for him. I had moved on. He is convinced I am “the one that got away.” He continued this behavior despite the fact that I began a serious relationship with someone new about six months after we broke up. That relationship lasted for six years. I tried everything to rebuff his advances — calmly and rationally explaining that we were over, angrily telling him off, and radio silence. Even if I blocked him he just made a new account. Nothing worked.

Even though it was clear I wanted nothing to do with him, it hurt my relationship. It bred a bit of jealousy and mistrust, and that hurt. I never made it seem that I was interested Eric and always treated his correspondence as annoying and inappropriate. I was all about open communication and honesty, so I brought it up whenever he contacted me to express my irritation and to show I wasn’t hiding anything. That second relationship ran its course and ended about a year ago. Fast forward to now. I am in the best relationship I have ever had. My boyfriend “Jake” is a beautiful human being — loving, respectful, and hilarious. We trust each other completely. We’ve dated for 10 months and have lived together for three. I can’t get enough of him.

Eric recently emailed me with his usual spiel and I’m so tired of it. I read it, deleted it, and moved on with my day. But I’m at odds about whether to tell Jake. Eric is harmless – a pesky mosquito with a Gmail account. But his persistence drove a wedge in my past relationship and I don’t want that to happen again. I don’t want to lie, but I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Do I spill and admit that I have an ex who still pines for me or do I keep it to myself? Would telling Jake be for his benefit and keep honesty at the forefront of the relationship, or is it me being selfish and creating a problem that doesn’t exist?

Help me Meredith, help me LL readers!

– Don’t Want to be a Hypocrite, Hartford, CT