I am in my late 20s and I am lucky to be dating an amazing man, also in his late 20s. We’ve been together for several years. He is generous, handsome, and successful, but I most appreciate our exceptional communication and how he supports me and my goals. I know we would live a beautiful life together.

We were long-distance for many months, and then we moved in together a few months ago. During my time away, I made a close group of new friends. I miss that life, but I especially miss one man, J. Before J knew I had a boyfriend, he made it clear he was interested. I told him I was taken, and he backed off. But we spent lots of time together alone (I know I shouldn’t have), and it was clear to both of us that feelings of something (love, infatuation, lust?) were growing. To my surprise, I found myself questioning my choices. Although nothing physical ever happened, saying goodbye was agonizing for both of us. During our long goodbye, he told me that if I weren’t in a relationship, he’d have no doubts about us.

We talked at first after I left, but after becoming more and more distant, J texted me one day, saying that he missed me and that he was in a café we frequented. I responded, but I never heard from him again. I have my doubts about J. He is not particularly emotionally mature, can be independent to the point of being selfish, and is not a particularly good communicator. But he is adventurous, lighthearted, and makes me laugh in a way my boyfriend does not. Overall, it may not have worked out long-term with J, but it would have been full of fun and passion.

I sometimes find myself thinking that I met the right person (my boyfriend) at almost but not quite the right time (a little too early). I often daydream about the alternate life I would have had if I had stayed. I can’t shake the feeling that I may have made a big mistake, but on the other hand, I worry that I am idealizing J. Of course, I wish someone could tell me whether leaving everything for the unknown would make me happier than staying with my boyfriend. But what I really need to know is: How can you analyze a mature relationship in comparison to the exciting potential of a new one? Is my interest in J and my strange feelings of sadness a more worrisome sign? How can I get back to appreciating the life I have?

– Worried