My boyfriend is so annoying
This letter, about being annoyed, is not related to this letter about being annoyed.
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Q.
I love my boyfriend but he annoys me more than anyone in the world.
I’ve been with him for almost three years but I can’t put my finger on when this “annoyance” started. I don’t know if we’re just getting so comfortable with each other that it’s easier to bicker, but it’s so frustrating to constantly be annoyed with a man when you just want to be happy and in love!
Sometimes I feel like we speak the way siblings would, picking at each other (yes I annoy him too) and teasing until one of us actually gets mad. I notice it as it happens, but genuinely don’t know how to stop it. I feel like it makes me less of a loving partner because I’m always getting frustrated or annoyed in our conversations.
Don’t get me wrong; we still have great, loving times together – but just as many annoying times.
Is this normal? Are there couples who never annoy each other? And how do you think we could stop this from happening? I don’t want to be annoyed for the rest of my life.
– Annoyed Girlfriend
A.
It sounds like you need more time on your own.
If you and your boyfriend are spending 24 hours a day together, you might be more likely to notice annoying things about each other.
If quality time feels special – and not like filler activity – maybe you’ll treat it that way.
Also, it helps to think before you speak – with anyone. Can you take a beat before airing your grievance? Can you wait three seconds to ask yourself, “Does that need to be shared?” I’m trying to do this in my life, to be more intentional about what I disclose. Not everybody needs to know when I have to pee, when I’m too hot, and when I’m feeling socially anxious. I can think those things and make adjustments on my own.
Another thing to consider: maybe you’re annoyed with other parts of your life and it’s easier to take it out on him. If you can’t tell a friend you’re ticked off she’s been unavailable, you might bring that energy into the relationship. Stress at work? It’s much easier to notice that your boyfriend makes a weird noise when he chews. Review what else is on your mind. Maybe if you identify the root of the problem, your feelings will go to the right place.
Please know: I have seen many wonderful couples treat each other like annoying siblings. I have seen them whine at each other, make fun of each other, and go from teasing to tears in minutes.
They tell me they want to stop. They have all said it takes intention and practice to be better.
Really, if you love him, it’s is worth the effort.
– Meredith
Readers? Is it common to be annoyed with a partner? How do you deal? Other thoughts about what this LW describes?
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