Men on apps don’t ask questions
We’re going to take the rest of the week off for February Break (and to update our system).
But stay tuned. Tomorrow we’ll have details about a massive Love Letters phone booth that is now at the Boston Public Library.
Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Or a relationship you wish you had in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].
Q.
Dear Meredith,
This is a nuanced question. Overall I rely on dating apps to continue to put myself out there as a single mom over 40. I don’t really have time for long periods of texting, so I usually like to chat back and forth for a few days, move to a call, and, if there is a vibe, go on a first date. But lately I have found that texting is a struggle because the majority of men don’t help carry a conversation. I will ask an open-ended question related to their profile. They will literally answer the question and zero followup. Not even a reciprocal “How about you?,” or “What do you think?”
Are they waiting for me to ask another question? I wind up turned off because I feel like I am interrogating them rather than having a natural conversation. I understand that in general, people are frustrated texting with people for long periods of time, but there doesn’t feel like even an initial desire to get to know anything past what’s in my profile to see if we are a fit for a first date.
Should I just give in and keep asking questions, and go out with the men who answer mine? Should I put something in my profile that only true conversationalists need apply? But I don’t want to come across jaded.
– Is it too much to ask for a good conversation?
P.S. I looked into speed dating events in the Boston area when the Globe did an article on speed dating in the Boston area a few years back, and they were all geared towards 30 something year olds and younger. So couldn’t go that route.
A.
Feel free to drop and delete these confounding people who don’t ask questions. You have every right to be turned off by someone who doesn’t want to learn more about you. They should be curious!
There’s a big difference between capping a period of small talk and not asking any questions at all. These men should know that if they don’t inquire about something, the conversation is bound to end and a date won’t happen.
There are many people on these apps, so much sifting required. You don’t have time to help suitors along, and you’ve already done your part by asking a question to launch the conversation.
Be speedy and move on quickly. It’s frustrating, for sure, but let these guys show you who they are.
No need to add anything to your profile about how you seek conversationalists. The right people won’t require that hint.
I do want to host a Love Letters dating event for a 40 and 50-plus crowd at some point soon. It seems to be necessary.
Just waiting on … weather.
– Meredith
Readers? Do you have this issue on apps? Why don’t people know to ask questions? Or is it a sign they’re not interested to begin with?
Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Or a relationship you wish you had in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].
Be civil. Be kind.
Read our full community guidelines.To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address