Dear Meredith,

I have spent the summer with a fun and down-to-earth person. We met online and things blossomed from there with spontaneous dinners, weekend activities, and meeting each other’s friends. After three months, things felt off, mostly on my part. I felt like I was about to trek through a path I’ve become used to; we were in the gray area of relationship that felt serious without any confirmation.

I worked up the courage to ask what he wanted from the relationship, and he said something along the lines of, “I don’t know, to go with the flow?” I was OK with his answer because I didn’t really know what I wanted myself, or maybe I was allowing my answer to be dependent on his. Weeks later, I was able put what I wanted into words: I want a relationship, and I don’t want to date others. After four months of seeing each other, I asked him again if he’d thought more about my question and he told me that he still wanted to go with the flow and that it’s been a while since he’s been in a relationship. He said he’s “trying to get back into the groove of things.”

I’m crushed, not because of his answer, but because in the past this kind of “going with the flow” has led to me being hurt. I don’t know whether I should cut things off now to protect myself.

– Scared of Going with the Flow