Maybe In Five Years?

Friday | July 21, 2017

Love Letters Dating

Maybe In Five Years?

I split with my ex three years ago. Originally I broke up with him and moved out of town, needing to dramatically change my life. A few weeks after, I called and tried to reconcile but he didn’t want to. Then he did a weird thing. He said: “Maybe in five years.”

What the hell is that? Some sort of five-year string pulley torture device? I haven’t been able to move on, and sometimes I honestly think I’m subconsciously waiting for the five years to be up. We were on good terms until maybe two years ago. I found out he was dating a friend of mine and texted him angry messages, and he promptly blocked me on every platform. (He and the friend later broke up.)

Ultimately, I know in my heart he never wants to get back together. I write letters every few months or so but never send them. I would love to just move on. What can I do about this five-year thing stuck in my head? Should I reach out over email?

– Three years in

I see two possibilities here. One is that he said “maybe in five years” the way I say “maybe I’ll cut out dairy.” Not a real promise – just talk with no real plan in mind.

The second possibility is that it’s all about control. You dumped him and changed your mind. He responded by making it clear that whatever happens next in your relationship will be up to him, even if it takes him half a decade to get there.

Either way, it’s bad. In both scenarios, it should be over.

If he’d wanted a short break – maybe a few months to reevaluate – you’d have something to consider. But after two years of no contact, you don’t even know him right now. He’s gone for good, which means that you’re the one operating the five-year string pulley torture device. Stop doing that, and remove whatever hopeful mark you’ve made on your 2019 calendar. Know for sure that the breakup is real – because it is.

– Meredith

Readers? Five years?

Dating

Featured Comment

u0022Move on. This isn’t healthy for you. The 5 years rule is self-imposed.nnYou broke up with him. There must have been a reason why. Write down those reasons and look at that list any time you are thinking about contacting him.u0022 – winryrockbell

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