He Made Up An Ex-girlfriend

Q.

I have been with my boyfriend for over five years now. At the beginning of our relationship, his “ex” was a constant issue. She would post on my boyfriend’s wall and talk about their nights out and plans to meet again. He knew I had issues with it, but he dismissed me as being stupid and insecure. 

A couple of years later, I was talking with a friend, saying how weird it was that I had never met any of my boyfriend’s friends. My friend made the joke suggesting that he didn’t have any. Weirdly enough, my friend did a google image reverse search, and, to my shock, my boyfriend’s ex’s pictures were online – from someone else’s profile. It seemed he had made a fake profile for his ex-girlfriend. I couldn’t believe he had lied to me all that time. I confronted him and he made the excuse that he and his friends made the profile to annoy his ex after they broke up. Why would you do that and carry it on for so long if that were true? 

I also suspected the same thing about his friends’ profiles, but he has never admitted it. I don’t know what to believe.

– The Real Girlfriend

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A.

Well, this is a new one. 

The fictional ex is a red flag, and yes, it’s upsetting that he let you deal with all of that jealousy when the source of it wasn’t even real. But the bigger issue is that you’re left feeling like you don’t know your boyfriend of many years. You can no longer answer basic questions about his real-life connections. You have to doubt everything now.

Think about who you’ve met in his life (his family, coworkers, etc.). How does he engage with those people? Also consider how he responded to you after you learned the truth. Did he have any empathy? 

If you can no longer trust him when it comes to his history – if you leave these conversations suspecting that his friends are fake and that he doesn’t understand how you feel – this won’t work. There are too many questions, and after this many years, your partner shouldn’t be a mystery.

Meredith

Readers? Is there any way to forgive this?

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